


i've been sleeping with an empty space

by jennycaakes



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, background nurseydex, don't even get me started on nurseydex in this update fam, haus 2.0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 22:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16841698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: Justin and Adam used to share a room. Now they just share a wall.It's... not enough.--canon compliant up to "haus 2.0"





	i've been sleeping with an empty space

**Author's Note:**

> hi the update made me sad for a lot of weird reasons which are no one's fault other than my own and my expectations so i decided to fix it all in this fic. i hope you like it!

It’s not that Justin misses Adam.

He doesn’t. Adam lives right next door now. Like, seriously. Justin can tap on the wall that his bed is pressed again and Adam will tap back because they literally have rooms next to each other and their beds share a wall, so obviously Justin cannot miss him.

Except that he does.

Justin misses Adam an _insane_ amount. He misses being able to slide down from the top bunk directly into Adam’s bed. And he misses being able to say _Holtz?_ and then Adam would whisper back _yeah?_ and then sometimes they would talk for hours into the night before falling asleep to the sound of Adam's voice. And he misses someone in his space who knows him so well, who anticipates his needs before his own and takes care of him in subtle ways that he hadn’t even realized before. Like straightening messes, or a spray of something lavender on his pillows after a long day, or an extra bottle of water tucked away somewhere familiar just when he realizes he's getting thirsty. 

He misses Adam a lot.

It’s like--he knew they weren’t going to live in the same room whenever they moved out of the Haus, but it’s just different now in a way that Justin can only describe as missing him.

 **Justin  
**u up?

 **Adam**  
is this a booty call  
bc if so then yes

 **Justin  
**i miss youuuu

Adam taps on the wall between them and Justin sighs.

 **Adam**  
bro come over   
my bed’s bigger now anyway

 **Justin**  
it’s so far   
you come over

 **Adam  
**YOU miss ME

 **Justin  
**bro do you not miss me????

Justin watches the (...) appear before it eventually disappears. There’s some noise and then the walls shift a little and before he knows it, his door is being thrown open.

“Dude,” Adam says, and Justin grins. “Are you kidding? Scoot over.” Justin shuffles toward the wall and Adam lumbers in, closing the door behind him with a click. “The Haus? Definitely was not haunted.”

“It was,” Justin counters as Adam slides in beside him.

“Wasn’t. But this place? Maybe.”

Justin snorts with laughter and Adam drapes his arm over Justin’s waist. “You’re ridiculous, Holtzy,” Justin murmurs, pressing his forehead to Adam’s chest. Whatever’s wound tight in Justin’s chest releases when Adam drags his hand down Justin’s back.

“You feeling okay, Rans?” Adam asks.

He misses Adam like this, in quiet moments, softer than anyone else has any right to see.

Things are just different now, that’s all, and Justin’s trying to figure out how to be okay with it. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “You think Dex is gonna stay in the basement?”

Holster exhales a laugh. “Nah. Furnace or not, it gets cold down there in the winter. And he’ll miss Nursey on the ice two games in and apologize. Or Nursey’ll realize he was being Extra and say sorry first.”

Justin pulls back a little. “You think?”

“Yeah, as long as Nursey grows up a little.” Adam hums. His fingers brush over Justin’s shoulder blades before he adds, “So maybe Dex’ll stay down there forever.”

Justin smiles, thinking he wouldn't mind staying _here_ forever if he had to. 

* * *

**Adam  
** i’ve enraged… She

 **Justin  
**what did you do to… Her

 **Adam**  
bro i just left the seat up!   
breaking habits is HARD

 **Justin**  
lmfaoooooo   
is She pissed or pissed

 **Adam  
**prob replacing our toothpaste w poison as i type

 **Justin**  
dude then it’s your turn to buy us a new tube   
i got this last one

 **Adam  
**yea no biggie you need enamel pro still?

 **Justin  
**for the rest of my life probably

 **Adam**  
legit i’ll pick one up tonight   
in the meantime….   
avoid Her

 **Justin  
**will do bro

* * *

Haus 2.0 is different in a lot of ways.

Most of them are good ways. Their new roommate is not a good way, because She legitimately wants them to die. And the not sharing a room with Adam is probably also not a good way.

But like, Shitty and Lardo finally being open about being together? That’s good different. They share mugs of coffee in the morning and Lardo blushes like all the time now which Justin loves for like a million and twelve reasons. And Justin’s never really had a commute before but he actually kind of enjoys it. There’s more of a routine in Haus 2.0 than there ever was in the original Haus and Justin thrives in routine, so that's also a good different.

Lardo insisted that they start taking cooking a little more seriously once they graduated so most nights Justin and Adam get home to Lardo already in the kitchen. Tonight they wash their hands and hurry in to join her.

“You’re late,” she says, passing the chopping knife to Adam.

“Delays, Lards,” Adam says in greeting. “How was the job hunt today?”

“Pass.”

“Aw,” Justin sighs. “Tomorrow’ll be better.”

Lardo wrinkles her nose. “Can you help with the Brussels sprouts?” she asks.

Justin settles beside Adam at the counter as they settle into their cooking groove. Lardo asks them about work and because they work together it’s easy to spin stories for her, create characters out of their co-workers for Lardo to consume. Her job search is taking a lot out of her so he and Adam agreed any chance to get her to laugh is a win in their books, and tonight they’re pulling laughter from her like she’s looking to give it away.

Shitty gets home last almost always, but he’s super late tonight from the same delays that Adam and Justin must’ve hit. He texts once that his phone’s going to die so the later it gets the more Lardo starts to worry her bottom lip and glance toward the door.

“Did I tell you about Sydney?” Adam asks, mostly to Justin because Lardo doesn’t actually _know_ Sydney, but still Justin shakes his head. “She hit on me today.”

“Wait, is this Water Cooler Sydney?” Lardo asks.

“That’s her,” Adam says, pointing to her. “Legit came on to me.”

Justin huffs. “When? Today?”

“Isn’t she hot?” Lardo wonders. “I remember you saying that. What’s her last name?”

“O’Riley,” Adam answers while Lardo pulls up her phone. Justin can nearly see the gears turning in Adam’s head--he’s distracting Lardo from worrying about Shitty--but did Sydney O’Riley actually hit on him today? “And she _is_ hot.”

Justin frowns at him. They’ve made Buddha bowls for dinner and they’re nearly finished now, just waiting on the sweet potatoes and the Brussel sprouts in the oven and Shitty’s return. When they were preparing the food Justin at least had something to do with his hands but now he feels fidgety.

“Well?” Lardo pushes. “I thought you weren’t looking for anything so soon?”

“Who said it has to be anything serious?” Adam returns. “Did you find her?” He glances over Lardo’s shoulder to look at her screen. “That’s her!”

“She’s cute,” Lardo agrees, scrolling. “Well? Rans?”

Justin’s still frowning. “What?”

“Do we like Sydney O’Riley or not?”

He feels Adam looking at him but for some reason, Justin can’t look back. “She’s fine,” Justin answers.

Adam guffaws. “C’mon Rans. She’s 5’10” and plays _volleyball_.”

“She’s fine, Holtz, she’s like a less moody April. Congrats, you have a type.” He finally looks over, surprised to find Adam looking confused. “What do you want me to say?” Justin finally asks.

“I guess I wanted a real opinion and not whatever this is,” Adam returns, lifting his hands to gesturing vaguely at Justin. “What happened? What did I say?”

“Nothing!” Justin holds his hands up in surrender. “I just didn’t realize this was a serious thing!”

“What’s Holtzy’s type?” Lardo asks, returning to scrolling. “Stunningly beautiful women who are out of his league who he bamboozles into thinking he can give a change of pace from their mundane, everyday lives?”

Adam stands up at once. “Dudes, is it rag on Holster day or something? What did I miss?”

He marches away before Lardo or Justin can come up with something to say in response, and neither of them talk until they hear Adam’s door shut in the basement. Lardo clicks her phone and sets it face down on the table.

“I was just kidding,” she says quietly. "Obviously Holster's great. He knows that, right?"

“Sydney O’Riley is _boring_ ,” Justin mutters, digging into his pocket for his own phone. “If he wants casual sex he shouldn’t do it with someone we work with.”

 **Justin  
**come back upstairs?

 **Adam  
**just changing

Justin should probably change too. He lets Lardo know his plan before hurrying down the stairs and stopping at Adam’s room, knocking twice before pushing it open. Adam’s wearing a pair of Samwell sweats but he’s shirtless, and it’s not as often that Justin sees him shirtless these days.

“I thought you were just trying to distract Lardo because Shitty’s running late,” Justin murmurs, closing the door quietly behind him. “I didn’t realize Sydney O’Riley was a thing.”

Adam shrugs. “I mean she’s not,” he murmurs. “Whatever.” Justin leans back against the door. “I see Shitty and Lardo and I don’t…” Adam sighs, tired. He’s facing away from Justin so he takes the time to study the muscles in Adam’s back as they shift with his breath. “I don’t want to do all the dating app shit anymore, Rans. I want to find someone.” He glances over his shoulder. “I want that _person_ ,” Adam says. “No matter how fucking lame it sounds.”

“It’s not lame,” Justin stops him. Adam sighs again, sitting on the edge of his bed. “It’s not gonna be Sydney, but it’s not lame.” Adam lowers his head into his hands. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

“I don’t know,” Adam murmurs.

“Lards was just kidding,” Justin adds, striding toward him. “Obviously we both know you're incredible. And you’re going to meet someone incredible. And then they’ll steal you away from me and God only knows what I’ll do.”

Adam looks up and over then, meeting Justin’s gaze. “You’re always gonna come before anyone else,” Adam tells him.

Justin’s blush hits him harder than he expects. He looks down, stuttering out something that might be an _oh_ or and _aw_. “I have to change,” he finally says.

Adam laughs. He grabs a t-shirt from the dresser before they head over to Justin’s room so he can do just that. When they finally make it back up stairs Shitty’s home and the rest of the food it out of the oven. Lardo makes a face like she wants to apologize but Adam waves her off, and the four of them (Shitty slowly stripping himself of his clothing and seeing how far he can toss it into their room) settle down at the table to eat.

They definitely eat together more in Haus 2.0. Another one of the good differents.

But their relationship is different now, too, and Justin doesn’t really want to unpack what that means.

* * *

The first night Justin hears Adam getting off, he puts headphones in.

He can do that now. He has his own room. He can do whatever he wants. He can turn on music or watch Netflix or pace or jerk off himself or--

Well, he can’t do that. Not while Adam’s doing it.

But suddenly he wants to. He turns, rolling away from the wall he shares with Adam, and wraps his pillow around his head to secure the buds in his ears. He can’t hear anything anymore but now Justin’s aching, trying not to twist his hips forward.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

It’s not like Adam’s being obnoxious. And it’s late--Justin’s normally asleep by now. In fact Adam in all honesty probably waited to masturbate because he’s not an absolute dick. But all of that only adds to make Justin ache in ways he doesn’t want to put words to.

 _I miss you_.

No, this is different even still.

He finds a guided meditation on YouTube that he likes and lets it carry him to sleep.

* * *

Justin’s a few minutes into his latest practice test when there’s a knock on his door frame. He looks up to see Adam standing there, flannel pajama pants on and his glasses perched on the edge of his nose.

“Hey,” Justin says.

They’ve been on weird schedules the past week or so. Adam’s a step behind, or Justin’s a step ahead. They end up on different trains for the commute and traffic in the evening always sets them off--one of them always insisting the other go when they have a chance at the end of the day instead of waiting to go together.

It feels like a while since he’s seen Adam with a moment of peace between them. It’s a good look on him.

“Med school stuff?” Adam asks, gesturing to the book, and Justin sighs. “Okay, well try to get some sleep.”

“Chyeah, dude,” Justin murmurs. He looks back to the test but Adam doesn’t move, lingering. Justin looks back up to his friend and finds him smiling softly and it makes his stomach flip. “Holtz?”

Adam ducks his head. “Night, Rans,” he whispers.

Justin leans back in his seat. “You just saying goodnight?” he asks.

Adam’s smile returns full force. “Yeah. Why?”

“Why?” Justin echoes back.

Adam shrugs a little. “Cuz I miss you,” he says.

Justin feels it in his chest.

He’s on his feet in a second, practice test forgotten, so he can wind his arms around his favorite person. Adam laughs, muted, but it feels warm in ways that settle something in Justin as well. “Well just stay a sec,” Justin murmurs, tugging him into his room.

Adam stretches out for the door handle and pulls it shut in one swift motion. “What about your practice test?”

Justin fumbles in the pocket of his sweatpants for his phone and turns off his timer. “I’ll do it later,” he says. Adam climbs into bed with him like he’d been expecting it to happen all along.

The only light that’s on is the one that’s on Justin’s desk and it makes his room glow a soft white. Adam basically drapes himself over Justin and it’s incredible, to have him like this. Justin threads his fingers through Adam’s hair and feels Adam sigh. Why did they decide on separate rooms?

“I was watching The Office earlier,” Adam murmurs.

“Uh-huh.”

“And it was the one where Dwight sets the fires,” he carries on, and Justin starts laughing immediately. It shakes Adam too, and then Adam pulls away just far enough that he can look at Justin and grin. “Like, what if we did that here?”

“I think She would _actually_ kill us,” Justin says through his laughter. “That scene is so fucking funny.”

“Dude, I know.” Having Adam’s face pressed to his neck makes Justin’s stomach feel like it’s in his chest. It’s even worse (and even better) when Adam adds, “But I remembered it’s your favorite, so I was thinking of you.”

Justin’s sure that Adam can feel his full body blush, even if he can’t see it.

“It is my favorite,” Justin agrees, voice quiet to keep from shaking.

They used to do this all the time. Literally all the time! They would snuggle on cold nights and wake up twined together and it was no big deal! Why does it feel so different now? Because the bed’s bigger? Because there’s not a bunk just above them? Justin can’t figure it out but it’s different and maybe _better--_ no, _definitely_ better--and he wants it all the time.

“I know,” Adam murmurs, sleepier than before. It makes Justin smile. He reaches up, grabbing Adam’s glasses, and sets them on his side table. “What’s that for?”

“You can’t sleep with glasses on, Holtzy.”

Adam nuzzles in. “I miss you Rans,” he murmurs, but it feels like it might mean more.

They catch the same train the next morning, and the ride is even better.

* * *

 **Justin**  
dex texted me  
he moved out of the basement

 **Adam  
**and????

 **Justin  
** he is back upstairs with nursey

 **Adam**  
HAHAHA NICE  
before thanksgiving i fucking knew it

 **Justin**  
they switched bunks tho  
now nursey’s on the bottom

 **Adam**  
oh thank god  
that’s the right choice

 **Justin**  
forreal  
yeah nursey apologized for being a Massive Dick for No Reason   
said he’s never lived w an introvert before  
didn’t super understand it  
thought they were kidding around until dex actually split

 **Adam  
**oh that sweet beautiful idiot

 **Justin  
**who nursey????

 **Adam**  
bro yes  
he’s over here prob thinking he’s like  
flirting   
meanwhile dex is thinking he’s intentionally torturing him   
they’re a fucking mess dude

 **Justin**  
lmao WAIT   
you’re back on your nursey’s in love w dex theory?

 **Adam  
**when am i ever OFF of that theory rans

 **Justin**  
true  
hey how asleep are you  
come over let’s facetime them  
or discuss your theory

 **Adam**  
lemme finish this episode then i’m yours  
like 6 mins

 **Justin  
**yesssss

 **Adam  
**and tbh it’s less of a theory than it is An Enlightenment

 **Justin**  
lmao you’re too much   
bring snacks

* * *

It’s a couple of weeks later and they’re in Justin’s room again, which Justin kind of prefers. It’s farther from Her and feels more like they’re tucked away, really alone. They should be asleep, it’s way past their New Adult Bedtime, but Justin craves taking up space with Adam whenever he can.

And Adam, ankle hooked with Justin’s under the covers, doesn’t really seem to mind.

It’s after one of their parties. Not as epic as the kegsters in the Haus but still pretty fun, and even cooler because a few of Jack’s teammates came out. Tater’s been around a lot more since they won the cup which is incredible in ways that Justin doesn’t want to put words to but… Adam doesn’t seem to agree.

“I don’t like Mashkov,” Adam mutters.

Justin can’t help but laugh. “Shut _up_ , Holtzy, yes you do.”

“No I don’t.” Adam lifts his phone and starts scrolling with a frown. “Wow, he’s fun and Russian, great. Everyone loves him for no reason.”

“You and Shitty need to _chill_ ,” Justin says, still laughing. Shitty gets all Jack-Possessive around Tater and weary of him whenever he interacts with Lardo. It’s obvious and lame, but Adam rolls his eyes. Justin props himself up beside Adam on his elbow so he can look directly at him. “Tater’s cool. And _genuine_. I know you have a tendency to hate everyone outside our six circle friend group on principle but seriously. You were cool with him when we first met.”

“Yeah but I didn’t expect him to be around so often,” Adam says, lowering his phone. “You’re cool with your super hot hockey celebrity crush just being one of the gang now?”

Justin’s face burns. “Well that’s not--” he stammers for the right words. “He’s _not_ …”

Adam rolls his eyes and returns to his phone. “Cool Rans. I just think it’s weird. And I don’t _have_ to like him.”

“No, but that’s not a reason to _dis_ like him,” Justin tries, finally finding ground again. It’s not like he’s actually going to try to pursue Alexei Mashkov. The dude probably isn’t even into dudes, and that would just be bizarre. Justin couldn’t date his celebrity crush. But still thinking about the possibility of it makes him dizzy. It's a nice fantasy to linger in sometimes. “You at least think he’s hot.”

“Not my type,” Adam answers without missing a beat.

“Ugh. Get out of my bed.”

Adam frowns and for some reason Justin doesn’t think they’re teasing anymore. “Fine,” he returns. Adam climbs out of bed faster than Justin can realize what’s happening. “Have fun jerking off to Mashkov.”

Justin sits up but Adam’s already to the door. “Holtz--!” Adam doesn’t _slam_ the door shut but it’s a little more aggressive than Justin is anticipating. He reaches to his side table to grab his phone and sits back against the wall that they share.

 **Justin**  
????  
dude what just happened

His first instinct is to get angry when he doesn’t get a response, but then he hears Adam’s door open and hurries to his own.

“Adam,” he calls.

“Going on a run.”

Adam’s up the stairs in a moment and Justin only catches enough of him to see that he’s changed clothes. Justin looks toward Her room but the light isn’t on under the door so he doesn’t think she’s home. Something feels weird. Justin bounces on his feet a little until he hears the door upstairs shut and then he races up the steps two at a time. He doesn’t hear any noise in the game room so Justin ducks his head into Shitty and Lardo’s room, finding Lardo sprawled out in their bed with her laptop.

“Hey,” she greets, eyebrow arched. “Holtz just run out?”

“I think we got in a fight?” Justin says. “Where’s Shitty?”

Lardo sits up at once, motioning for him to join her. “C’mere.” She closes her laptop and sets it aside. “He went to get milkshakes. Text him if you want something from Sonic.”

Justin fumbles for his phone as he goes to sit beside her.

 **Justin**  
hi yea get me a chocolate milkshake please  
also one for holtz  
a peanut butter cookie one

 **Shitty  
**I GOTCHU

 **Justin  
**love u

Justin flops backwards on their bed. He normally wouldn’t but it’s made, which leads him to believe it’s clean. He doesn’t even want to think about the things that go on here, especially because his room is directly beneath theirs.

“What happened?” Lardo asks.

“I don’t know. We were talking about Tater and he got all moody.” Lardo snorts. “It’s not funny,” Justin says, looking over at her.

Lardo shrugs. “It is funny. He’s being jealous.”

Justin’s face is hot again. “Jealous of what?”

“Tater’s hot. You like Tater. You hardly _ever_ show that you’re into dudes.” Lardo shrugs. “With Tater you’re drooling. Holtz doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“He’s not--missing anything!” Justin bursts. He just can’t _drool_ over _Adam_. He had to shut that part of his brain off a long time ago just to survive. Adam’s _really_ fucking hot. He’s got strong arms and wide shoulders and a chest that Justin could kiss his way down a million times and be happy but none of that matters because that’s his best friend. Adam’s his partner. No drooling permitted. “And that can’t be true,” Justin tries to pick up. “Holster doesn’t--he’s not _jealous_.”

“Hey, you came to me, I gave you my opinion. Now you are also getting a Sonic milkshake. What more do you want?”

Justin shakes his head trying to process this--to see if it feels real or possible.

“And what about me?” Justin asks.

Lardo laughs. “What do you mean, Rans?”

He wants her to explain it to him, really, but knows that doesn’t make any real sense. “Do you think _I_ …” he trails off.

“Get… jealous of Holtz?” Lardo supplies, and Justin immediately nods. Lardo’s the best bro in the entire world. Her knowing smile says the things that she won’t but that’s okay. Justin can operate in this middle space. “I mean, you do, Rans. Remember last month when he was talking about that girl from work, or whatever?”

Justin scoffs at once. “I was not jealous of _Sydney O’Riley_.”

“Mm-hm, sure.”

He doesn’t need to talk about this. “Should we ask Her if she wants a milkshake?” Justin asks.

“Great really obvious subject change, Rans,” Lardo laughs. “But sure.” Justin reaches for his phone, still thinking about how he was not _jealous_ of Sydney or whatever the hell was happening then, while shooting off to a text to their Other Roommate.

 **Justin**  
shitty’s getting milkshakes from sonic do you want one?  
my treat!

 **Her  
**No.

“Ugh,” Justin groans, clicking off his phone again. “Why does She hate us so much?” he asks. “It’s not like _I’m_ an asshole to her.” He and Adam make a real attempt at being civil with Her even though she never wants anything to do with them. They all live on the same floor so he at least tries. Maybe they don't remember her _name_ but like, it's not like she _knows_ that. Right? Lardo hums dramatically and Justin turns, an eyebrow arched in suspicion. “What do you know?” Justin asks.

“Well…” Lardo hesitates. “It’s not entirely your fault that she hates you?”

Justin isn’t sure he understands. “Elaborate.”

Lardo sighs, sitting up a little. She folds her legs under her criss-cross style and gets all serious looking, which makes Justin nervous. “Honesty time?” Lardo asks, and Justin nods. “Shitty first posted the roommate ad with two rooms open. We thought you and Holtz would want to be together still. Even if it was… different. So _She_ had a friend that wanted to live here too. They were supposed to be here together.”

“Oh shit,” Justin exhales. No wonder She fucking hates them!

“And that’s… low-key on us,” Lardo murmurs. “We thought you two--I mean _everyone_ kind of thought you two were together.” She reaches out for him, grabbing Justin’s hand. “Not that that’s an excuse,” she says. “We should’ve asked first.”

Justin tugs his hand out of Lardo’s because he needs to wind his arms around himself.

“Everyone thought we were _together_?” Justin echoes, and Lardo nods. “Like, you and Shitty are together,” he says for elaboration, and Lardo nods again. “Which is why you think Holtz is jealous of Tater.”

“Okay, Holtz _is_ jealous of Tater,” she stops him.

Justin wants to keep talking about this but the door slams open before he can get to his next point and the mood changes immediately. “Milkshakes, bitches!” Shitty shouts.

“Oh, thank God She didn’t want one,” Justin exhales, now holding his hand to his chest from being startled at Shitty throwing open the door.

“Brah I already ordered yours and Holtzy’s,” Shitty says, grabbing Justin’s milkshake from the carrier and passing it to him. “You think I don't know your orders?”

Justin passes Lardo his cherry like always and Shitty joins them on the bed. They’re there ten minutes later, Shitty with significantly less clothes on than Justin and Lardo, when Adam gets in from his run. His cheeks are stained red and his hair sticks to his forehead from sweat and Justin’s chest expands two sizes in one breath.

“Peanut butter cookie?” Adam asks, sounding breathless, and all three of them nod. “Sah- _weet_ I love you guys.” Adam joins them on the bed (perched on the edge, due to sweat) and devours his milkshake alongside them.

When his eyes meet Justin’s they both say things without speaking. _We’re okay. I’m sorry. That was stupid_. But Adam’s smile is what makes Justin believe it.

* * *

The second time he hears Adam getting off, he waits.

He doesn’t mean to.

It’s just that Justin’s headphones are all the way across his room on his desk, because he left them there after the commute. And like, he’s mostly asleep anyway. And this time it floods in slowly, like lava melting down to his core, and he lets it happen.

He knows it’s kind of creepy but it’s not like he was planning to get all hot and bothered, and even pressing his pillow against his ears he knows it’s still _happening_.

Justin turns away from the wall but then he rolls again, onto his stomach, and he buries his face into his pillow while his hips grind forward into the mattress. He doesn’t know if it’s shame or embarrassment that makes his face burn but when he comes, groaning into his pillow, it’s the hottest orgasm he’s had in a while.

It makes him bone tire and drains him at once and Justin knows that he should clean up but he can take of it tomorrow. He’s nearly asleep when he hears the softest tap against the wall beside him.

On reflex, he taps back.

* * *

“Okay,” Adam says, thinking. It’s a few days later and they’re in Adam’s room. Adam’s at his desk and Justin’s in Adam’s bed, surprised at how much the smell of Adam’s pillows brings him comfort. Justin’s just told him why She probably hates them so much. Well, like, a muted version. Not the Everything Thinking They’re Together part, but the two rooms. (Typo, Justin said.) “So that sucks, but it’s not our fault?”

“No, I know, but I still feel bad,” Justin says. Adam taps his fingers on his desk like he’s thinking. “Like, imagine you and I were moving somewhere together. Right? And then they tell us there’s actually only one room.”

“Dude, we’d just share it,” Adam says.

Justin’s heart is somewhere in his stomach. “Be a reasonable adult, Adam,” he says with a laugh. “Not every mid-20-somethings want to share a literal room with their best friend.”

“Well then they obviously need a better best friend,” Adam returns.

Justin laughs again, all kinds of warm.

* * *

The first time they see each other after a night in their own rooms, Adam and Justin move toward one another on instinct. Always. They have to touch somehow. Hands against hands or hands against shoulders or hands against sides.

Now that Justin’s noticed it he can’t stop noticing it. It’s like he wakes up and can’t stop thinking about Adam, a small itch just beneath his skin urges Justin to seek him out.

Sometimes it’s in the kitchen grabbing coffee. Sometimes in the hallway on his way to the bathroom. Some mornings they miss each other entirely until they’re at work, and even then Adam will smile and reach for him, his fingertips against Justin’s for the briefest of moments as they pass in the hallway, and something inside of Justin settles.

Mornings that they wake up together are better.

They almost always ride the train together then, more in-sync than not. And instead of having to seek him out Adam’s already there, often tangled up with Justin. His face against Justin’s neck, his hands against Justin’s back.

It’s easier waking up with Adam there. They share sleepy smiles and wake themselves up with laughter and it makes Justin ready to start his day, no matter what kind of day that is. Rainy or cloudy or full of sun, it’ll be a good day.

 _That’s not because you don’t share a room_ , Justin thinks one morning, this time in Adam’s bed. He’s awake first, carefully brushing his fingers through Adam’s hair away from his forehead.

He’s so beautiful, Justin thinks. Justin loves to see him soft like this, asleep against him. He wants to trace his fingers over the curve of his cheeks, the long stretch of his nose. Justin’s hand move to cup Adam’s cheek and it would be so easy to kiss him. Instead Justin drags his thumb along Adam’s sharp jaw and smiles when Adam’s eyes blink open.

“Mmm…” Adam hums burying his face back against Justin.

“Morning,” Justin whispers.

Adam’s hand, already resting on Justin’s lower back, slowly eases downward. “Morning,” Adam rasps against Justin’s neck, and by then his hand is settled on Justin’s ass. Justin feels hot in ways he isn’t used to for a weekday morning and his hips wind forward just a hitch. Adam inhales sharply and _this_ , this is what Justin wants. Just a little closer. “S’cold today,” Adam exhales, tugging Justin toward him.

They’ve both got morning wood and it’s not the first time but it might be the first time they’ve been wound together like this while hard. Justin slides his leg between Adam’s and shivers when Adam’s breath catches again.

“Mm-hm,” Justin agrees breathlessly. “Probably icy.”

“Commute’s gonna suck.”

“So bad.”

Adam tips forward just a touch and Justin can feel his lips against Justin’s throat. “Justin…” he whispers.

And it doesn’t matter that Justin had just been thinking about kissing Adam--this is too much. He can’t actually kiss Adam. He and Adam aren’t--and _can’t_ \--and won’t be--anything serious ever. This is cold morning grogginess, that’s it.

He peels back like something in him is burning and Adam’s hold on him releases in an instant. “Sorry,” Justin rushes as he rolls out of bed. “Dude--I just remembered I’ve got that fucking report due today.”

“The real estate client?” Adam asks, rubbing at his eyes and sitting up slowly. It’s not a total lie. Like, the report _is_ due today. Justin nods and Adam sighs. “Damn, Rans. But after today you can breathe for a bit, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “See you in there?” he asks over his shoulder, lingering in the doorway.

Adam sinks back into bed with a soft sigh. “Yeah, bro. See you in there.”

Justin tugs Adam’s door shut and exhales the breath he’d been holding in once he’s in the hallway. He’s almost got it all out when the bathroom door open and She's standing there, frowning at him.

“Morning,” Justin greets.

Her eyes dart to Adam’s door. “Did you sleep in there again?” she asks. Justin blinks a few times in response before She rolls her eyes and heads off to her room without saying anything else.

* * *

They barely see each other that day at work but that night he and Adam run into each other in the hallway. They meet halfway between their rooms, crooked smiles on their faces.

“What are you doing?” Adam asks.

“I was coming to say goodnight,” Justin tells him. He left things weird this morning and that wasn't his intention. 

Adam’s smile stretches into a grin. “So was I,” he says. They both lean against the wall, like this is a casual hang out thing they always do. Adam folds his arms over his chest like he’s planning to stand here for a while. “You were real busy today, huh?”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Justin tells him.

“Well I’m proud of you, Rans,” Adam says. “I know that report was a pain in the ass.”

“It really was,” Justin says with a laugh. His face is warm. “Thanks, Holtz.”

Justin wants to stand here for a while too. Talking about nothing with his favorite person for forever. But then She opens her door and narrows her eyes at them before carrying on to the bathroom, shutting the door with force.

And honestly, there’s no _real_ reason for them to be lingering here.

“Well I should sleep,” Justin murmurs.

“Yeah, yeah, of course." Adam steps into his space before he reaches out, hand firm against Justin’s side as way of leaving. “G’night,” Adam whispers.

Justin lets him go, waiting until Adam’s door clicks shut before he heads back for his own room. Good thing they’re in the basement, because Justin needs to pace and he doesn’t need the floorboards creaking to give him away. He isn’t sure how long he’s pacing, thinking about how pacing isn’t working to get out whatever's twisting inside of him, when he realizes it’s because pacing isn’t actually what he needs.

He leaves his room quietly and heads for Adam’s and hurries inside when he sees the door’s open. That means Adam’s in the bathroom, must’ve hopped in when She left, so Justin perches himself on the edge of Adam’s bed to wait. It isn’t long until he returns, face clean and mouth fresh with his glasses on the tip of his nose.

Adam leans on his door frame when he spots Justin.

“Pretty sure I didn’t forget to say goodnight,” Adam says warmly.

“I feel weird,” Justin returns.

Adam’s smile slips and he hurries inside, shutting the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know,” Justin admits. Adam sets his things down before sitting beside Justin on his bed. “Holtzy…” Adam grabs his hand and laces their fingers together and Justin’s gaze drops to watch it. “What are we doing?” he whispers.

Justin looks up in time to see Adam’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“I miss you,” Justin tries to explain, because those are the only words he’s been able to put to it so far. But it’s definitely bigger, more urgent still. From this morning to all of the times before. From sharing beds to misplaced jealousy, he can't do it anymore. “And--” he stops.

He has to kiss him.

Adam squeezes his hand. “Justin?”

Justin leans forward with less grace than he wishes and kisses Adam square on the mouth. It’s not well coordinated and his lips aren’t wet so it’s mostly a mess but then Adam reaches up with his freehand to cup Justin’s cheek and deepens the kiss into something so _right_ it can’t be described as anything other than perfect. Still their hands untangle because Justin needs to touch him, he needs his hands on Adam’s body, and he moves to pin Adam down beneath him in his bed.

When they get settled Justin’s straddling him and Adam’s eyes are darker than Justin’s ever seen, but then they quickly flutter shut and he sighs. For a moment, Justin worries.

“Adam,” he starts, “is this--?”

“I love you,” Adam stops him. His eyes fly open again and Justin’s breath catches in his throat. Adam smiles, shaking his head just a little. “Why did we ever get separate rooms?”

Justin kisses him again because even though he wishes he had words to agree he can’t do anything but this. Adam doesn’t seem to mind, not that Justin really thought he would.

“Sorry I ran this morning,” Justin exhales between them.

Adam groans. “God, we were so fucking close.” Justin hitches his hips forward and Adam gasps. “I really thought--and then you--”

“I know, I know,” Justin stops him. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I love you.”

Adam’s arms wind around Justin so he can pull him down on top of him, and once he does Adam rolls so he’s above Justin instead.

“Could I move in with you?” Adam asks.

Justin laughs so wildly that he honestly feels like a spring inside of him has come loose. He kisses Adam in response, the two of them both smiling into it.

* * *

The first time they see Her smile is the day she gets her best friend to move in. Adam and Justin linger in the back corner where their room is, stuffed full of both of their shit in the most fabulous mess to ever exist, and watch instead of helping because they were clearly instructed Not to help.

Adam winds his arm around Justin’s side and pulls him closer, and Her eyes catch on the two of them.

"We came to see if you needed help," Justin says. "Heard all the noise."

“Thank you,” She says slowly, and Adam and Justin both grin. “But no thank you. And… congrats. On figuring out…” she gestures to the two of them. “All that.”

“Thanks,” Justin says warmly. “You sure you guys don’t want moving help?”

“Seriously, please don’t touch anything,” she rushes. Her friend, the new roommate who hung a sign on Adam’s old door that reads _Rebecca_ , is already on another trip up for boxes. “We got it.”

“We’re very strong,” Adam tells her.

“And emotionally mature,” she returns, voice thick with sarcasm. Justin snorts, turning more into Adam’s space. “Good luck with it. And goodbye.” She shoos them backwards but Adam holds them firmly in her place.

“I’m glad your friend still got to move in, Kate,” Adam says.

She--Kate _smiles_ in a way that lights up her entire face. “I knew you knew my name,” she returns. Her eyes are no longer clouded and angry, they’re brown. And without that wrinkle between her brows she looks like someone who can do something other than plot the murder of her roommates. “Thank you, _Adam_.”

Adam rolls his eyes but he’s still grinning, and Justin himself feels a little weightless at all of this. Kate vows to learn Shitty’s name one day (good luck, new girl) before eventually shooing them back toward their room. Adam guides Justin in first and shuts the door behind them.

“Dude that was so sweet,” Justin says. It takes him a moment to reorient himself--they have a lot of reorganizing to do still but the bed’s in a different place completely--before he settles down on the edge. “I legitimately forgot her name.”

“She hung hers up on the door too,” Adam says quietly.

Justin collapses backwards in laughter and Adam propels himself across the room to join him in bed. Justin bounces a little when Adam falls onto the mattress and then they rush to pull one another closer.

“It was still sweet,” Justin tells him after a kiss.

“They’re gonna hear us having _a lot_ of sex, Rans,” Adam returns. “We’ve got to be sweet while we still can.”

Justin’s laughing when Adam kisses him again but he knows that’s what most of this is going to be. Loose laughter and wandering hands and smiles that prevent them from really kissing. And Justin knows that this is going to be different but this is _Adam_. His favorite person in the world. The person who understands him most and loves him despite all of it.

“Holtzy,” Justin pulls back. Adam stops just a breath away, a smile still on his face. "We should reorganize too." 

Adam erupts with laughter before flopping backwards on their bed with a groan. Justin hurries to get out of Adam's arm-length so he can't pull him back to bed and starts to work on the giant mess that they've created. It feels familiar, seeing Adam's things mixed in amongst his own again.

When Adam stands a few moments later to join him he crosses to Justin, stopping to kiss him once. "This is it," Adam says quietly. "Whatever comes next, it's you and me."

"It was always you and me," Justin returns. "It was always going to be."

Adam grins. "So you're ready?" 

No matter what comes next.

"Absolutely." 

**Author's Note:**

> ngozi please i just want one thing


End file.
